Finally, some damn justice.

Sean here. So this post has nothing to do with my adventures in FF6, it just has to do with GREAT JUSTICE.

Please copy and paste this link and read the ensuing story:

http://kotaku.com/5476938/theres-two-sides-to-every-xbox-live-banning-%5Bupdate%5D

Long story short: some kid played Modern warfare 2 with an xbox live moderator and got himself banned. A video was posted by someone claiming that the moderator was abusing his power and banning people at will and the video showed some heavily edited content to make it seem like the moderator was a douche. Another video was posted by someone else that shows unedited audio of the kid that got himself banned, who told off the moderator with some seriously explicit language. In short the moderator, whose gamertag is "The Pro" is doing god's work, and he is awesome and we are welcome that he is banning stupid little retards like this kid. Thank you "The Pro", you have done all gamers a great service. You are awarded a Zuul Arcade Medal of Awesomeness. All of us here at Zuul arcade should follow his example and make life hell for pre-teen boys who think they are awesome. - Sean

P.S. Penny Arcade posted a great comic about it:

http://www.penny-arcade.com/comic/2010/2/24/

What. The. Hell.

Ok. So I got rather stuck in Eternal Sonata. So stuck that I broke one of my tenets when it comes to playing a game the first time: I found a guide. The guide answered my query quite well. So I went back to where I needed to go to get it done. Only, the thing I needed to find wasn't there. So I went to the guy I needed to give it to, to see if I had it, but simply couldn't find it.

Turns out I have the item equipped, and you can't turn it in if it's equipped. There is also, however, seemingly no way to remove an equipped item without having something to replace it with. I don't have anything to replace it with. Judging by the guide, I'm almost at the end of the game. But because of this I can't actually progress any further. What. The. Hell.

I Am Stuck

I can't believe I am stuck on the Vargas fight. I get to the point in the fight when Sabin shows up, and you have to use the blitz attack to win, (Left, right, left, then X) but after 4 tries at it, I still cant do it. Maybe I need help, or my timing is off. I do not know.

Zuul Arcade Group Adventures. (An alternative to traditional male bonding experiences)

So, I had Mike and Teague over the other night at around 1:30 in the morning with the intention of starting a new file for a game called "secret of mana" which is the only multi-player RPG for the Snes that I am aware of (Other than the sequel that was only released in japan...that I have a copy of. and a converter. but can't play due to my lack of being able to read japanese.) So, in a night of largely epic fail for myself, I located my SNES, and my multi-tap, and 3 controllers, but I could not locate the game itself. So this lead us to do other things with our time. So what did we do?

We fired up the N64.

Now, all I have to say, is the 1st game we tried was "Gauntlet Legends". Me, Teague and mike all created blue mages with racially offensive names seeing as we weren't planning on saving the file anyway. Long story short, we got about 5 minutes into the game, and one of our wizards' shouted "FOOD IS GOOD!" and Teague kinda lost his shit and put the controller down and refused to play further. Can't really say I blame him, we just stopped.

The second game we tried was Duke Nukem 64. Folks, with the N64 controller, the game was nigh unplayable. After me and mike got raped by Dukebots several times, we called that quits and tried Turok 2.

This was amusing for about 10 minutes while we were all wondering what the hell was going on. Teague was a dinosaur and said "rawr" alot, mike was a dino humanoid and I was turok. Now the previous problem we had with duke nukem is that the look function on the analog stick is inverted, which for me is a problem, I want the character in game to look in the direction I'm pressing, not the opposite. So this was a total cluster fuck and we just gave up on that too.

So now we're sitting around asking ourselves "how the hell did we garner any enjoyment out of these games?!" the last 4 games we tried were AWFUL. So then it was time to see if one game stood the test of time:
Goldeneye.

Teague actually begged me to not put the game in, because he didn't want me to ruin his memories of it like the previous 4 games. I of course ignored his pleas and put the damn game in. and I'll tell you, after 14 years, the game is still DAMN FUN. The controls sucked a little more than I'm used to, but the game still worked. I also found out that after 14 years, Mike is still a total douchebag with proximity mines. So we actually had a lot of fun playing goldeneye, so it's good to know that it was actually a good game, and not a shitty game and we just didn't know any better.
So, this was quite the group adventure I figured was worth sharing. I'm hoping we have more unplanned zany adventures to amuse our readers. - Sean

The Benson Effect

I would like to take a moment to explain about the Benson Effect.

It all started at Denny's when we were talking about Jeff Benson, and it hit me how he could beat some of the games he said he beat; and that is the Benson Effect. It is when your knowledge of real-world physics helps you beat a video game. It got me thinking about the times that I had the Benson Effect happen to me, and you all should think about it also. It blow my mind, and I think it will blow yours.

A Challenger Appears(?)

J-ko here. So someone was foolish enough to offer me an invite to Zuul Arcade. YOU FOOLS!!! Bwa-ha-ha...ha-ha...etc.

Ok, now that that's out of the way, I suppose I need a game to "go back and finish". Since it is (A) stupid late and (B) I can't think of one off-hand, I have consulted the "Official Big List O' Gaems" (no typos there, I swear that's what it's called) I have at my disposal and have come up with two possible titles.

TITLE 1: Shinobi. I love the hell out of the original Shinobi, and have the arcade version available to me via Xbox360.

TITLE 2: Disaster Report. A PS2 title. It's a survival game. Not survival-horror...just survival. I played through it for a bit and kinda lost track. I could drag my PS2 back out and try to replay that.

So unless I have violated some of the rules somewhere, I'm gonna set in on Shinobi at some point tomorrow. If not, then those rules were asking for it anyway...and they loved every violation they recieved, the dirty little wh-...




...I could just backspace all that, but you know what? I'm gonna hit this button down here that says 'Publish Post'. *click*

Yeah, I am here

Hey all, it's Big Mike here finally. I will be starting my game today, which will be FF6. I would like to say good luck to me and that is all.

Haw.

So I know I need to make a real post. And I want to make a real post. But I keep not getting around to it. So in the meantime, I know a couple other authors here who are going to enjoy this.

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.